Everything started on Friday. It was a great day. We were blessed to take part of a great event "books for bikes" and I learned Brandon's love for motorcycles. Elli was excited to play with kids and have a fun time. From this event we were delighted to come home to find Brandon's new compressor for his vest on the front porch. It always amazes me that they will just leave over 20 grand worth of medical equipment hanging out.
We continued our fun weekend and headed up to the lake for a 50th birthday party for my step-dad. It was nice and fun.Brandon started to regress a bit from being in a place that he was unfamiliar with,and around a lot of people he didn't know. I am still unsure as to why he is uneasy about this kind of stuff. We were happy to come home and Elli stayed at the lake with grandma over night. This gave us a chance to rest for today, The BIG day. Brandon's 2nd birthday, and birthday party. We had a fun time and Brandon found his favorite toy to be his new Buzz LightYear action figure. haha, it was rather cute. I find myself just falling more and more in love with my family, and those that I call my family. In such an imperfect world, living through the eyes of a child has taught me a few things. Everyday is new and it's an adventure, every moment is "the moment". Children just live, something many people have such a hard time doing. I know this for I have been there.. I will often speak of or reference to my " dark years", a rather sad part of my life. I feel like how could I have wasted 12 years of something so precious as life. To cry over something out of my control. I won't act like this wasn't over something big to me, because it was, but it was still a waste of my time here. I get frustrated at those who don't get it yet, but I wasn't ready to get it till God smacked me in the face with it. Now living is what I do. I live to live each day for that day.
I can not stop thinking of a conversation with my mom about time. She is always rushed and out of time and stressed by this. I told her time is a frame of mind, and she laughed at me. Now I know many people will laugh at me I am sure, everyone laughs at those who don't work as if we do nothing. I agree I am not the best house cleaner, but I am great at living with my family. I do more than that as well, I have commitments out side my home and have my own kind of "work". Nutrition is my passion and work I read, I write, I figure out new recipes that will either be healthy for a CF person or in general be good for what our bodies need. I try to make the stuff we love healthy to eat. I put foods together for a reason not just because it sounded good. Yet I feel like I have all the time in the world. It is a frame of mind. I am not sure how I have gotten here to be honest, but its great and hope you all find this. I guess it goes back to being a child. You are only focused on today. Tomorrow will have its own time. I find it refreshing and relaxing to know that I don't even have to think about tomorrow until I wake up. The only thought of tomorrow that I do have is what time do I need to be up, and then from there I will figure it out. I think that is why it is hard for me to understand why so many people dwell on the future and find themselves depressed and upset. I Hurt and pray for those who do.Its just not a fun way to live, as I did for my 12 years of darkness. If it is out of my control, then it is not my worry, it is God's. It is just impossible to be happy and joyful when you are focused on things that are to big for you. we all have a purpose and the thing that sounds more off than anything is, its not our job to figure it out. It is our job to use what God gave us and follow his discernment with out question or concern.
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