Thursday, July 15, 2010

Wildflowers are enough

well today we moved one step closer! Every time one thing gets finished the lump in my throat welds up and I realize we are that much closer to our move. Don't get me wrong I am excited about this move and even more so, I know it is the right answer. For that one thing I am sure of more than anything else right now. How does one leave the life they know for a new life filled with uncertainty and fear. Ya I know, I know it is a God thing. This is the one reason I am able to keep faith and sleep at night knowing my choice is not really mine. I let God take the big stuff and he is leading me somewhere unknown.

I find it great that people are still willing to help us out and be my friend although they know where things are headed. I guess the realistic people that I am close to know I will not just leave and forget them. Yes it will put a strain on relationships but it will not end them. I learned this lesson this year very well. I have several people I am close to but one person that I am very close to is 34 hours away in CA. I believe I talk to her more than anyone outside my home. To be more exact I text and email her all day long sometimes. I learned you don't have to live close to be close. yes we want to see each other but we just have to work at making that happen when it can.

I guess its weird for me and everyone. No one wants me to go but every one understands why. If we could we would pick up everyone and everything and take it with us. I find it hard at times because although people understand they really don't. Only a few I know really get it. I wish I could explain it in the proper way.. I will try my best.........

One day there was a little girl filled with glee and love in her heart. She loved to wear piggy tails and pick flowers. the sunlight gleamed in her dirty blond hair. Her blue eyes sparkled and the grin across her face. Her mother loved to take her for walks every day and every day they crossed a beautiful meadow full of the rarest of flowers. In the front of the meadow at the gate of rod iron there was a sign that said "No Picking Flowers". Being that the little girl was to young to read she was beaming with the happiest smile around. She had her picking hands ready and said "mama, may I pick a flower please" Her mom was so sad to tell he "no you may not" the little girl accepted her mothers answer but ever so much yearned to pick those flowers. In an attempt to not upset her daughter this lovely mother picked another route to walk the following day. Hand in hand they had a great walk until they came across another meadow, this meadow had average flowers and no sign, it was well picked over with not much to offer her daughter. There were other children walking around with what must have been the flowers of this meadow and her daughter was once again saddened by the fact that there were none left for her. Finally after some research her mother took what she felt to be the longer and further route, no where near their home or comfort but it did seem to have a promising wild flower field that she may be able to offer her daughter what she so badly yearned for. As they approached this Field her daughters bright blue eyes had a twinkle that said it all. She looked up with joy and said " mama, May I pick these flowers" The mother replied " I am sorry I cannot offer you more darling, but yes you may pick these wild flowers, its not the best ones or the ones the other kids had, but you may pick as many as you wish". Her daughter replied, quietly in that meek little child voice, " mama, it may not be perfect or what the other kids had, but its enough for me".

The thing with this story is that as parents we may not always be able to give our children what they want or even need. Unfortunately for Brandon its a life matter. Being able to offer him just a little more than what he has is enough. I will never stop finding ways to improve the one part of his life that I can control, the quality! I may not be able to offer him perfection, or even what the others kids have, but I can offer him something more than what he has.

Having your child wake up in the morning and give you the biggest smile with those big brown eyes blinking at you and as they open their mouth to gasp..cough...cough.. sneeze..cough.. gasp, followed by some shallow breathing, it breaks your heart. I don't care who you are, you are willing at that point to do what ever you can to take that away. When you see your child in the hospital, you as a parent would do anything to prevent that from being a common occurrence. We do what we can where we can. I hurt and I am brought to tears often at the fact we are leaving, but I am also brought to tears by the fact that I am able to offer more to my son.

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