Thursday, August 26, 2010

A Strange Encounter

So the other day I was walking in my neighborhood. I was alone with my thoughts. I happened to see a cute and quaint nature preserve attached to my addition. I thought, how lovely. I went in and looked around as the wind kissed my check. I stood there in the silence and then I heard in the breeze ever so softly "are you lost?" I had only one thought as I broke into tears.. "Yes" I cried "I am deeply and terribly LOST!!" The wind circled back around and whisked past my ear as I heard it once more "Be as I am, for I am"I immediately questioned the wind "Are you God" but nothing came back to me. I had to sit down. I must be imagining this, it must be my mind! But NO I heard it, I did, it was clear enough to acknowledge that much. So then what? What does this mean? Who? and How? As if there wasn't enough in my head, now I have to figure this out! I had to break it down..

Yes I am lost but why? Am I lost in the way of faith? NO. Am I lost in the way of trust? Maybe. Am I lost in love? NO. Am I lost with direction? NO. Am I lost with the plan? YES!!!!! Okay! ding ding ding! The Plan the one and only almighty PLAN. With maybe a little trust issues too. Ok so what is this so called PLAN? Is it my plan? I would like to think so , but NO. Is it my husbands plan? I am sure he too would like to think so, but NO, So is it the peoples plan? Not at all. Ah, So is it the Lords PLAN? YES! There it was, the Lords plan, no one else's. How simple it was to answer this, yet still so hard to trust in it! Why? Are you afraid? VERY. Are you anxious? Greatly! Are you ready, even if it means waiting? What? What do you mean ready AND waiting? How can I be ready if I have to wait? Because when I prune you, You must be patient for new growth. When I change you, You must be ready for change. When I love you, You must love me too. When I nee.....Wait, wait, wait, wait! Hold the Phone! (breathe in deep breath, long exhale) Okay so I see I have a Plan that is mine but designed by the Lord. I have to trust that its right even when it feels wrong. I have been getting this, strangely all to well. What I struggle with is that part of the plan where you know where you are going, you can see everything changing, yet you still aren't where you thought you would be!.. Sooo, you want to tell me, YOU are ready AND waiting? Yes, that is it! And now you want to know what to do with that? YES, you got it, that's what I am lost in!!! I am stuck in that spot in between. I can't go back now its been decided and its within reach. Yet I can't go forward because its not time, the things that must be in place, are not. But why am I in a different spot in my Plan, than my plan itself? So Do you trust your plan? YES. Do you trust in the Lord? YES. So why can't you trust that you are in the right spot in your plan? (cough cough, crab collar, clear the throat) Ummm, yeah I never thought of it like that. Would you say you might have tried filling in the blanks of the plan with your own thoughts? (shaking head sighing) Yes, I would say that, but in my defense... Ah, Ah, Ah, Do you make your PLAN?(even bigger sigh) NO I don't. Okay so is this another patients lesson? NO, its a trust lesson. Ha, Wha, trust, I trust.... umm I mean, I kinda trust, sometimes.. Okay truly, I do feel that I trust in the Lord and the PLAN. Its just hard to understand!... And that is it, Understanding, trusting is not having to understand! "Be as I am for I am" I get it, be as I am, like the wind careless going where its directed without a concern.. For I am, For the Lord.
I must be like the wind for the Lord
.... I look up and see I haven't moved for some time.. I stand up and head home from this strange encounter with myself....

1 comment:

  1. Just remember:
    1: I can do all things thru Christ who
    strengthens me. - God -
    2: A little patience now and then is relished
    by the wisest men - Willie Wonka -
    3: Jesus and Mama always love you -Mama-